Idle Worship
by Nikaya
Summary: Adora thinks a little more deeply about what went wrong with Catra. Catra reconsiders why she is really so angry Adora left. Written for the @spopzine on tumblr! Download it for FREE today!


"_**Standing here like I'm supposed to say something [...]**_

_**If I was you I'd run from me or rip me open [...]**_

_**Be sure to put your faith in something more**_

_**I'm just a girl and you're not as alone as you feel."**_

Thaymor

"You _knew?" _I ground out the words, hoping they pierced her the way they pierced my own throat.

Catra snickered and squealed. "Of _course _I knew! We're literally called _The Horde_. It doesn't exactly spell out 'spreading peace and love'" she said, emphasizing her point with air quotes.

I took a step back from her and narrowed my eyes. "Catra…." My breathing became shallow. I shook my head, trying to understand what was happening. "They were right…." I whispered.

She stared back at me, her arms folded. She cocked an eyebrow. "What did you think we were doing? You _knew_ the princesses were the natives here."

"But…." My brain struggled to find the right words. "We were always there for each other. We have a family in The Horde. How could we do this? How can we kill innocent people?"

"They're accomplices or bystanders, Adora. They're _not_ innocent."

"Look around you! Do you really think these people could have defended themselves?" My voice wavered as I tried to get her to understand.

Catra's tail swished side to side. "I think you just need to come to terms with it," she said, taking me by the wrist. "Let's get you back to the Fright Zone."

I licked my lips before ripping my hand out of her grip. "I'm not going."

"Are you _crazy_?" Catra asked, whirling on me. "If you leave, they'll find you. They'll _hunt you down._ They will _kill _you," she promised, but her eyes were wide.

"I won't let them. They'll have to fight me." I turned to walk away, but then a scream ripped out of my throat as I collapsed to the ground. The last thing I saw was Catra standing over me as the world went dark.

* * *

"_**We all got problems, don't we?**_

_**We all need heroes, don't we?**_

_**But rest assured there's not a single person here who's worthy."**_

Bright Moon

I turned over in bed, tucking a hand under my pillow - well, one of _many _\- pillows. I groaned and flipped onto my back, sinking into the mattress further, still, as I stared blankly up at the ceiling.

I bit my lip as a thought occurred to me. I glanced over at the dresser opposite the bed, my sword laid across the top. I reached my hand under the pillow - the one my head was on, at least - and felt for what I wanted.

I gripped the hilt and brought out my knife, one of only three belongings I had from the Fright Zone, the others being my clothes… and my ever-growing thoughts of Catra.

When I couldn't sleep at night, my thoughts always turned to her. My stomach knotted it's way around my lungs and _squeezed_ whenever I thought about that last time I saw her. She had such a look of betrayal… of hurt.

And it was my fault.

I clenched my eyes shut, telling myself that Catra had taken the wrong side, had chosen her fate.

Yet I couldn't help but wonder if there was something more I could have done to save her.

I held up the knife over my head and studied it for a moment longer, seeing my own reflection in the blade. The purple hilt was adorned with a giant amethyst at the top. Looking at it now, it didn't even _remotely_ resemble anything in the Horde. Supposedly, it was the only thing Shadow Weaver had found me with, and being a weapon, she gave it back to me a few years ago, when I started training to become a Force Captain.

I turned it over again. On the bottom of the hilt was my own face, carved in with jagged edges, and some of the paint chipping.

I tucked the knife back under my pillow and huffed as I laid on my back, counting the rest of the feather-filled cushions around me.

* * *

"_**And if that's what you want**_

_**I hate to let you down **_

_**I got your hopes up**_

_**Now I got you hoping **_

_**But I'm gonna be the one that let you down."**_

Snows

"_Catra," _I sneered.

She spun around, wrapping my arm around her. "_Hey, Adora."_

I tried to ignore the sudden heat in my face. "I know you're up to something, Catra. And I'm gonna find out what it is."

"You always have to play the hero, don't you?" she said, spinning me back around and extending our arms, hand-in-hand.

"Why don't you just tell me what's happening and I'll let you go?"

"Or what?" she asked with a smirk. "You don't have your magical sword to protect you here, do you? What a shame."

I shut my eyes for a moment and let out a breath. "Catra," I said, lowering my voice. "We can talk about this. Let me explain to you what happened… why… why I left the Horde."

Her eyes widened if only for an instant.

I latched onto it. "It had nothing to do with you or Lonnie or Kyle or Rogelio. If you understood why what the Horde was doing was wrong, you'd have gone too."

She narrowed her eyes at the last piece. "I would _never_ have abandoned you," she practically hissed. She spun me again, this time pulling me in and resting her chin on my shoulder from behind. "You abandoned me. You said you'd _always _be there. You said you'd always protect me! And you _lied_."

"Catra, I'm sorry," I said, my voice shaking as I struggled to get out everything I needed to tell her. "You said it yourself: Shadow Weaver has been messing with our heads since we were kids. You _know_ what the Horde is doing is terrorizing Etheria and killing innocent people. They don't deserve to die."

Catra looked away from me then, as we swayed together a little more slowly. "You're really doing this to protect Etheria, aren't you?" she said quietly. She grimaced. "It still doesn't change that you left me for… for those _stupid_ princesses and that crazy crop top guy."

I bit my lower lip before sighing. "It had nothing to do with that. Our team was my family, my home… _you_ were the best thing in my life, Catra."

"It doesn't change what you did."

I looked down and rubbed my arms. When I glance back up, Catra was running away from me. "Catra, wait!"

* * *

"_**Oh, it's such a long and awful lonely fall**_

_**Down from this pedestal that you keep putting me on. [...]**_

_**I know that you're afraid to let all the dark escape ya**_

_**But we could let the light illuminate these hopeless places."**_

The Fright Zone

The sound of metal scraping metal made Glimmer and I turn around, breathless. A figure emerged from the shadows as I saw a glint of light catch their eyes. She was holding the Sword of Protection. "Catra…."

I felt Glimmer grip my arm tighter as Catra stepped closer. This was it; Catra would finally have her revenge: on The Princess Alliance, on Bright Moon, on Glimmer, and on me. I shut my eyes and braced for what Catra would do next.

But I felt nothing.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw that she had leveled the sword with my chest. To my bewilderment, she flipped it over and extended the handle to me. I felt Glimmer's eyes on me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Take it. This is _not_ because I like you." I could hear the strain in her tone.

I looked between Catra and the sword for a brief moment before stepping forward. I gripped the handle. Neither of us pulled back.

Before I could process my decision, I lowered the sword in our hands and rushed forward. I wrapped my free arm around Catra's shoulders as her body went rigid and a breath of air escaped her gaping mouth. A second later, I could hear the low rumble of a purr in her throat. She rested her head on my shoulder and lifted her arms around me in return.

I pulled back to look her in the eyes. "I'll come back for you. I need you. I want to save you. I want to make things _right_ between us."

Catra averted her gaze and stepped back. "You had your chance to stay with me. Apparently doing the right thing is more important to you than me."

I gaped at her. When I processed that information, I stuttered. "C-Catra, I-!"

"Just get out of here," she said.

I stopped and just stared at her. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to tell her, so much that I wanted to make up for. But I knew she wasn't ready to hear it.

I sighed before taking my own step back. "For the honor of Grayskull!"

When the brilliance of the sword's glow died down, she was gone.

I only realized after we ran that maybe I was wrong. Was she not ready to hear it?

Or was I the one not ready to say it?

* * *

"_**Just let me let you down**_

_**Hey, baby I'm not your superhuman **_

_**And if that's what you want**_

_**I hate to let you down **_

_**I got your hopes up**_

_**Now I got you hoping **_

_**But I'm gonna be the one that let you down."**_

First Ones Citadel

"The sad thing is, I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde when really, you leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me."

My eyes widened. "Catra… I- I never meant to make you feel like you were second best! You were always there by my side, as my _equal_, as my _competition_, my _motivation_ to do better! I never knew you wanted to be Force Captain! You always told me you didn't want the responsibility, so I didn't think-!"

"Of _course _I wanted to be Force Captain! What _else _was there to look forward to in the Fright Zone? I am so much stronger than anyone ever thought," she said, folding her arms as she stared down at me. She still made no move to help me back up.

"No one ever thought you weren't strong! Everyone just thought you didn't care!"

"Of course I cared! Why would I be here, fighting you now, trying to take you back to Hordak if I didn't care?!"

"I…" trailing off, I let out a sigh. "The Horde was wrong… about you, I mean." She tilted her head, so I pressed. "Shadow Weaver was wrong. _I_ was wrong. I never wanted you to think you were second best or a sidekick; you _have_ to believe me! I need you…." My voice broke as tears traced down the sides of my face.

She turned her head away from me, and I noticed the way her shoulders tensed.

"I made mistakes. I shouldn't have protected you just now or back in the Horde. You were always capable and I never should have made you feel incompetent or less than me. I just hope… I hope you need me too."

She turned back to face me and kneeled in front of me. I felt my hands starting to slip further still, and my shoulders shook with the effort to hang on any longer.

Finally, she reached down and grabbed my wrist, yanking me up onto the edge.

I collapsed onto the floor and gasped for air, both out of relief and the effort. I pushed myself up onto my knees and looked up.

Catra was gone.

* * *

"_**Oh, no, I ain't your hero**_

_**You're wasting all your faith on me**_

_**Oh, no, I know where this goes**_

_**They can say, they say, this doesn't look a thing like me."**_

Northern Reach

"Adora, wait!"

My vision briefly started to clear. I shook my head as a heard footfalls coming from my left. Purely on instinct, I swung my sword up and connected with someone heavy and shoved them away with the blunt side of the blade.

I turned back to my opponent, cowering on the ground below me. I cackled as I felt the energy of the sword course through me.

"This isn't you! It's the First Ones' tech! You don't want to hurt me!"

As I started to lower the sword, I hesitated. I blinked once… twice. I felt myself groan as my head started to pound. The pain pulsed behind my eyes, so I clenched them shut, gripping my head.

"Adora! It's Catra! Your _best friend!_ Fight it!"

"C… Ca… Catra?" I opened my eyes, and through the red, I could see her there, shivering in the snow under my deadly gaze.

My eyes softened, and I lowered the sword. "Catra?"

"Just put the sword down, Adora… and everything will be okay," she coaxed.

"I… I don't… feel right," I slurred my words as I looked down at my hands. Red, pulsating energy illuminated my arms and wrapped around the sword. I widened my eyes and took a step backward, holding the sword at arm's-length.

"I know. Just put the sword on the ground, and we can talk this out," she said, hardly above a whisper.

"I…." Looking around me, I started to feel panic rise up into my throat. "Bow? Glimmer?"

"They're… they'll be here. Just… come over to me without the sword."

I looked back down at Catra and lowered my arms.

"It's okay, Adora."

I swallowed. Something about the way she said my name….

"You can trust me."

I let the sword slip out of my grip.

Instantly, my body swayed forward, but I felt Catra's strong arms catch me when my face landed on her chest.

For a moment, I let myself just _feel_. I took in Catra's scent - one that I'd imagine we likely shared from sleeping in the same bed for years - and closed my eyes.

She ran her clawed fingers through my hair and leaned my head back into the crook of her arm. "Shhh," she said, "it's okay now."

I hummed a reply, "Trust…."

I blacked out.

* * *

"_**I got your hopes up**_

_**Now I got you hoping [...]**_

_**But I'm gonna be the one that let you down."**_

Bright Moon

I couldn't sleep.

Despite just finding out more information about Mara from Bow's dads, I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I'd seen Catra. From what Glimmer had told me, Catra had been hellbent on controlling me using the First Ones' tech they had found.

But I remembered the moment before I'd passed out and went all… _loopy_. She was the one to free me from the control of the First Ones' tech in the first place. She was the one that had caught me when I fell. She was the one that made me feel like I was home again.

I sighed - exasperated with myself - and flopped back onto the pillow. I turned over, pulled the blankets in close and slammed my eyes shut. I took a steady breath, hoping I'd will myself asleep.

Once my eyes were closed, I thought I heard a scratching sound but dismissed it. Then I heard it again.

I shot up in bed, pulling out the knife from under my pillow. I looked around, seeing my room empty.

When I heard it the third time, the sound was followed by a strained grunt. I threw the covers off and ran to the window.

Looking over the side, two clawed hands gripped the ledge as feet struggled to find hold on the slick castle wall.

"Catra?"

She looked up, and I gasped when our eyes met.

Immediately I reached out and grabbed both of her wrists, pulling her in through the window. We landed in a heap on the seemingly-endless bounds of pillows just under the window. I turned over and kneeled in front of her, holding her chin and tilting her face up.

She was in rough shape. There were several open wounds on her face with a particularly deep gash through her left eyebrow. Her hair was somehow wilder than usual with tufts sticking up randomly and without the mask she usually donned on top. Her shirt and pants were both torn and blood-stained. Some of her claws on both her feet and hands seemed to be hanging off or gone. The only totally in-tact part of her left was her tail, curled up tightly against her legs. She averted her gaze and pressed her ears flat to her head.

"I failed," she said weakly. Her voice was low and hoarse. "Hordak… he wouldn't take me back after what happened at the Northern Reach. Entrapta told him what I'd done, trying to get you to trust me and letting how much I wanted to take you back cloud my judgement." She paused and took a shaky breath. "I ran, Adora…. I left the Horde…. I'm going to die out here. I… I didn't know where else -"

I flew forward and wrapped my arms around her. Catra didn't tense and instead, she wrapped her arms around me as we both broke down.

"I'm so glad," I said, between sobs, "that you came back to me. I never wanted to leave you. I need you to know that. Doing the right thing," another sob "and leaving you was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

"I…" she said, her voice wavering, "I think I understand that now." She let out another sob. "Adora, I'm so lost without you. It was never about the Horde, or right or wrong, or you being a Princess. It was about you…. It was _always_ you."

I pulled back from her, just enough to look into her eyes. She gave me the tiniest grin, a single fang caught on her lip. I couldn't help but sport a ridiculous smile myself.

She leaned forward into me, letting our foreheads touch, ever-so gently.

"I'm sorry I never told you just how much you meant to me," I said, shaking my head lightly against hers. "It was always about me trying to protect you from Shadow Weaver, or whatever trouble we got into, because I didn't know why I was getting special treatment. But the truth is that I needed you just as much, if not, _more_."

I bit my lip before pulling back slightly and continuing. "The thought of losing you for good has kept me awake every night since I left. Seeing you at every step I took that distanced us made it even worse. You had always been there for me at my best, and now I've seen you there - as my equal and rival - at my worst. I could _never_ leave you behind or forget you because no matter where I go or what I choose, you're always the one thing that I need."

Catra swatted at the tears that cut paths through the grime and blood on her cheeks as I saw a genuine smile form. "Are you _absolutely_ sure you aren't brain damaged? We don't do mushy, remember?"

I smiled back, then I reached out one hand and laced my fingers through hers, feeling the heat rise up from my hand and eventually reach my face. I saw the way her face turned colors too. "Hmm… maybe I am." I said, and with my other hand, pressed my chin between my thumb and forefinger. "Guess it's time to make some new memories outside the Horde then, don't you think?"


End file.
